As I walked the streets of Paris on Christmas Day 16 years ago, heading to the vet where my diabetic cat was struggling to survive, I saw the emotions of mankind around me. I didn’t understand at that time, that what I saw was reflecting back to me my own life, be it the past, the present or what could be the future.
I saw sadness. I saw loneliness. I saw people with no sense of where they were going wandering around. I saw the old slowly walking, abandoned by family that didn’t want them or who had passed away. I remember thinking of the drunks that slept on the gravestones at the edge of the park in Nassau (Bahamas) where people used to play soccer and field hockey. I remembered how I felt as a child seeing them there. Even then, I had felt a sense of hopelessness and loneliness.
I continue now to remember how I worried for my mother being alone at Christmas, especially after my sister died. I didn’t want her to be alone in that house, alone with all the memories of a life that didn’t turn out the way she had thought and dreamed it would. It was the same when my sister first died. I took my mother back to Belgium to live with me for 3 months so she wouldn’t be alone with the memories of my dead sister and an empty house. I tried to save her, but I could not. I merely helped to place a temporary bandage on the pain by turning her attention elsewhere. And in doing so, I also did the same to my own grief.
This time of the year for those who celebrate Christmas is never an easy time. Even amongst the joy and laughter, memories sneak in of those who have passed. It is often the hardest time for those left behind, filled with memories both good and bad that come rushing back.
Christmas is a time of Oneness, of coming together with friends and family. However we are brought together, be it by religious gatherings or social gatherings, we are coming together in a type of Oneness. But not everyone feels part of this Oneness. Pain, loss, grief, loneliness and anger bring us into separateness, as we are pulled into the source of these emotions unaware.
This Christmas, if you are one of these people, please try to stay aware of the your emotions, of what could be causing them. Acknowledge them, feel them and don’t chastise yourself because you feel guilty that you need to keep up appearances for the sake of others. You drain yourself by being inauthentic, and you only put off what will come up again later. Those who love and respect you will try in their way to understand.
I feel pain coming now as I write these words. I still feel loss coming up that I didn’t know was there. The messages that have been coming along with it the last few days I cannot ignore. The release date of the first Star Wars movie that came up in conversation last night. It was May 25, 1977. So many signs in this date alone. The number 77 is a recurring number for me. The Tzolkin Kin for this date is 222, also a recurring number in the past month or so for me. And, lastly, the day – May 25 – is the day that my mother and sister died on, six years apart. It is the day of my Tzolkin kin in 2016. The name of the Star Wars movie? A New Hope!
This Christmas, I start many new adventures in my life. I am taking over the keys today of a space on Haji Lane, a place very centrally located in Singapore. This space will be the Sacred Space for my work and the place where I will offer for sale, beautiful products of the many Mystical Beings with whom I work.
It is a time of New Hope for me. It is a time of starting to look forward to the coming of the Elder in me. It has also been a time to say goodbye to a good friend of mine who has left Singapore. It is a time of change, challenges, energy shifts and fulfillment of dreams, with new ones on the horizon.
I wish you all be filled with HOPE this Christmas, whether you celebrate it or not. No matter what you are going through, try to hold hope that things will get better. Hold hope alive in yourself. Hold hope that the Creator loves and supports you.
Hold hope for all of the rest of the world.